Review: Within Temptation - "Hydra": Definitely Not Paradise

Nearly three years after the release of their masterpiece album "The Unforgiving," Dutch symphonic metal band Within Temptation returns with their latest record, "Hydra." Led by the lead single "Paradise [What About Us?]" featuring Tarja Turunen (ex-Nightwish), expectations were immediately high for "Hydra." I was privileged enough to hear the album in full on January 24 at The Joint in Los Angeles where three members of the band made an appearance for an acoustic set and meet-and-greet. Everyone was given the chance to purchase the album, and as a fanatic of physical copies, I bought mine the minute I was through the door.

My initial reactions of "Hydra" were mixed, and a few listens later, they still are. Granted, it is difficult to follow up your best album, but it's been done. "Hydra" isn't a failure or success, but a weird jumble of old and new sounds that have brought the band to where they are today.

Track-By-Track review

1. Let Us Burn

The album has an excellent start with this track. It represents the sound, emotion, and atmosphere of true Within Temptation. Pulsating drum beats, soaring vocals, and smooth key strokes. Interestingly enough, the song features little orchestral elements, which Within Temptation have become known for. But here, the straightforward and pounding energy lifts the song up.  4.5/5

2. Dangerous (feat. Howard Jones [ex-Killswitch Engage])

Undeniably Within Temptation's heaviest song to date, "Dangerous" is an anthem to thrill seekers and metal-heads alike. There is strong melodic guitar work from Robert Westerholt, and Ruud Jolie, as well as keyboardist Martijn Spierenburg. The problem itself actually lies within the vocals of the song. The combination between Sharon and Howard feels disconnected because their voices are so different. Howard's vocal range does not fit the pace and tempo of the music. More often than not, his voice is so nasally, that as a listener, the song becomes one that you're likely to skip through on further listens. As a metalcore singer, I was expecting Jones to have a rougher vocal profile for the song. Unfortunately, Within Temptation's "fast" song just isn't fast or "edgy" enough to fit this singer.  2.5/5

3. And We Run (feat. Xzibit)

Symphonic metal + rap = that will never work. Unless you're Within Temptation and manage to make the combination the highlight of the entire album. Following in the path of the dance track "Sinéad" from "The Unforgiving," "And We Run" finds the band exploring dance, hip-hop, and rap all in one song. Beginning with a soft keyboard intro, backdropped by a quiet string section, "And We Run" picks up speed with a dance-like drum beat and Sharon's angelic voice. I was initially turned away when Xzibit was announced as a guest musician on "Hydra," but my iPod says differently now. It's difficult to understand why this song is so successful, because musically, this shouldn't work. But it does. This foray into blending genres does find the band in strange waters sometimes, but "And We Run" is an unprecedented accomplishment. If the band could pick up awards for the album, I wouldn't be surprised if this song was the reason why they succeeded. They may even break into the mainstream with this track.  5/5

4. Paradise [What About Us?] (feat. Tarja [ex-Nightwish])

The collaboration that symphonic metal fans have been waiting for for years. This song does not disappoint! Lead in by a seductive string section, "Paradise" hits you full throttle with swift guitar and drum work that never lets you go. Don't forget the stellar guest vocalist turn from ex-Nightwish front woman, Tarja Turunen. For having such unique and contrasting vocal capabilities, den Adel and Turunen are a match made in heaven. The lyrics are meaningful and thought-provoking. Some of WT's best work is on display here. The only downside to the song is that we get to hear the chorus one too many times, and it begins to feel repetitive. Otherwise, "Paradise" is a definite highlight on "Hydra." 4.5/5

5 - Edge of the World

"Edge of the World" isn't a bad song: it's just that it's a really obvious filler. Musically, this takes listeners back to early Within Temptation. Notably, "The Silent Force" era. With an atmospheric profile similar to classics like "Pale" and "Somewhere," "Edge of the World" isn't anything new for seasoned Within Temptation listeners. As "Hydra" is a retrospect of sorts, the song does work on a nostalgic level. But other than that, it feels a bit out of place following stronger tracks like "Paradise" and "And We Run." It's a nice attempt at reminding listeners of older Within Temptation sounds, but this isn't anything highly original or better than past efforts. 2/5

6 - Silver Moonlight

After the first twenty seconds or so this song began to worry me. It seemed like the band was really going backwards and making the entire second half of "Hydra" into "The Silent Force" part two. Surprisingly, "Silver Moonlight" turns into one of the highlights of the album. Carried by a strong chorus, and sick guttural vocals by Robert Westerholt (who could easily be mistaken for Mark Jansen of "Epica"), "Silver Moonlight" is a pleasant mixture of albums "Enter" and "The Heart of Everything." This is a song that is reminiscent of the strong gothic elements of Within Temptation, but also their stellar uses of doom metal elements. 4/5

7 - Covered By Roses

Continuing with the theme of "Hydra," "Covered By Roses" will find insightful Within Temptation listeners back into the era of "The Heart of Everything" and "The Unforgiving." It's inevitable and difficult to judge the songs on "Hydra" as "Hydra" songs because the band has been so open about the album being a collection of sounds explored in the past, and those they want to continue with in the future. That being said, this is a fast tempo song that finds the band experimenting with minor electronic elements paired with rapid, melodic guitar work and their signature atmospheric, choir-like synthesizers. It's not a phenomenal song, but it's a solid addition to "Hydra" that rounds out the sound of Within Temptation. 3.5/5

8 - Dog Days

There really isn't much to be said about "Dog Days." It's the song that just should have been saved for a bonus track or left on the floor of the recording studio. The keyboard work here is simple and relatively static. There is some decent guitar work from Robert and Ruud that makes the song somewhat listenable. But the unpleasant and repetitive lyrics make the song practically unlistenable. If you're going to have a chorus that goes "1, 2, 3, 4, what are you waiting for?" you have to find some way to make it not sound so cheesy. Even the title is reminiscence of "Dog Days Are Over," and to a strange extent, the song fits the sound and look of Florence + The Machine better than it does Within Temptation. 0.5/5

9 - Tell Me Why

This is actually one of the few songs on "Hydra" that feels like a progression of Within Temptation and their sound. There are the echoes of how the band developed their signature synthesized and guitar driven tunes. But the brutality of Westerholt's vocals, paired with Sharon's matured lyrics bring the band out of the airy and angelic quality that much of their earlier works possessed. The strong guttural work featured on only two songs from "Hydra" could signal a change in vocalization for the following records. But at the moment, it's a nice break from the recycled sound that much of the album demonstrates. 4/5

10 - Whole World Is Watching (feat. Dave Pirner [Soul Asylum])

"Hydra" started on a strong note with the track "Let Us Burn," and then slowly wavered between good and mediocre. "Whole World Is Watching" is truly the savior that "Hydra" needed in order for it to not be a total misfire. Featuring stellar vocals by Soul Asylum frontman Dave Pirner, den Adel and company manage to engender a mid-tempo ballad with solid key, guitar, and hearable bass work. Although the breakdown and progression of the song is simple, it is refreshing that the band isn't trying to be experimental, but also not holding onto their old hooks. After seeing the music video directed by visionary Patric Ullaeus, the song does take on a stronger meaning, and further listens will continue to reward audiences with the subtle beauty and complexity of the song. If they could find a suitable male vocalist to tour with, this song could join the ranks of classics such as "Memories," and "Stand My Ground." A phenomenal way to end "Hydra." 5/5

Eclectic, but not always cohesive, "Hydra" finds Within Temptation at a deadlock where listeners won't be sure if the band wants to progress their sound or move back to earlier eras. The album does feature an array of sounds that fit the band's look and atmosphere exceedingly well. Just at this point, and with the way they combined it all into one, the final product comes out a bit muddy and confused. "Hydra" does have tracks that will fit nearly any listeners tastes, but as a whole, it's a sour mixture. At the end of the day, certain songs will surely become classics, and others forgotten. We've seen better from Within Temptation, and we can expect that they'll move past this minor misstep in the future.

"Hydra" is set to be released in the U.S. on February 4, 2014.

Final Score: 7.1/10

...here's to the future of Within Temptation \m/

Review: Within Temptation - Unplugged at The Joint 01/24/14

It's been sometime since Dutch symphonic metal masters Within Temptation have visited Los Angeles. To be exact, September of 2007. Undoubtedly, this Friday's return to The Joint in Los Angeles was well received by the dedicated fans that turned up to see the first show of the sure to be massive world tour in support of the bands latest effort, Hydra.

Kept under the radar until two weeks ago, three members of Within Temptation (Sharon [vocals], Ruud [guitar], and Robert [guitar]) descended on the City of Angels to promote their latest album, Hydra, to Southern California fans. The show consisted of an intimate, and sadly, short acoustic set that energized everybody before they were given the chance to listen to Hydra in full, and meet the band as well.

Before being let in, the less than 100 fans were asked to not photograph or record the show as Sharon was suffering from a sore throat and didn't want the show to be representative of the tour or her future performances. Upon walking in, the band was rehearsing one of their latest songs, "And We Run," which features guest vocals from rapper Xzibit. Shortly after, the band left the stage, promising to return soon to put on a complete performance.

Around 9:45, the band returned to the stage to perform some much anticipated songs. Opening the set was "And We Run." Sharon and company flowed through the song with grace, reminding the crowd of the beauty of acoustic performances, but also how sore throats can take a toll on even the most seasoned vocalists. Even the rough throat couldn't deter the audience's (and band's) joy as they powered through the opening track of Hydra, "Let Us Burn." The test of a truly good song is to see if it all works as well acoustically as it does electrically. With all the orchestral flourishes Within Temptation adds to their music, some may say they could lose their edge when performing acoustically. "Let Us Burn," and the following tracks, "Paradise [What About Us?]," and "Whole World Is Watching" all proved to be as good acoustically as they are electrically. The stripped down and raw versions illuminate the emotional complexities of the lyrics and soft melodies that can sometimes be forgotten in the bombastic waves of amplifiers.

As the show began to wrap up, the band threw in two classic songs, "Faster," and "What Have You Done," with the latter proving to be the crowd favorite of the night. The entire venue was singing along to the chorus, and even obliged Sharon when she asked "what do I want?" with everybody screaming "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW!"

The band received a roaring and well-deserved applause from elated audience members who received what they came for: new tunes and the soaring music of Within Temptation.

Setlist:

1 - "And We Run"

2 - "Let Us Burn"

3 - "Paradise [What About Us?]"

4 - "Whole World Is Watching"

5 - "Faster"

6 - "What Have You Done"

All in all, it was a night to remember and cherish.

...here's to metal, friends, and Hydra.

20 Inspiring Films

As a self-proclaimed film geek and an aspiring screenwriter, I often get asked the question "what's your favorite movie?" In truth, I do have a favorite movie. It is number one on this list. But to say that that film is my "all-time" favorite is a bit unfair. Yes, it does have my favorite script of all time, and I think that all of the filmic elements are spot on and could never be improved upon. But each film on this list deserves true recognition because each one, in its own unique way, has inspired me to do greater things in being a screenwriter. Each has also taught me how to be a stronger viewer and understand what film tries to do in modern society. With that, I'll include a few words on why each film has stuck with me. I highly encourage you to seek out each film, watch it on your own, and then develop your own meaning and interpretations.

And with that...

20. The Usual Suspects (dir. Bryan Singer):

This is a more recent addition to the list as I only saw it for the first time this past summer. Aside from a great performance by Kevin Spacey, the heart of The Usual Suspects lies within its magnificent script. Writer Christopher McQuarrie weaves together one of the most deceptively complex plots I have ever seen. The mystery within the story is only one of the many puzzles that must be solved for this to be a truly enjoyable experience. 

19. Finding Nemo (dir. Andrew Stanton & Lee Unkrich):

For me this is still Pixar's most complete and heartwarming story they have ever produced. The visual splendor of the film is exquisite and rivals even the most advanced technology of 2014. It has memorable performances, a great story, and it always makes me laugh. I don't think I'll ever be as creative or talented as the crew of Finding Nemo, but that is precisely why the film is on this list: they make me want to try harder every time I see the film.

18. Magnolia (dir. Paul Thomas Anderson):

Like The Usual Suspects, Paul Thomas Anderson's masterpiece from 1999, is only a recent addition. I was shown an excerpt from it in my film class back in January of 2013 and only saw it this past summer on the way home from vacation. Anderson has always, and will continue to be, one of the most magnificent and detailed writers Hollywood has ever (and will) see. This is a brutal film to watch because of its heartbreaking, self-destructive characters that feel so humanly troubled. Magnolia deserves multiple viewings because of its labyrinthian plotting, but it is a rewarding experience at the end. To this day, Frank T.J. Mackey is Tom Cruises' finest performance that should've won him the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. 

17. Oldboy (dir. Park Chan-wook):

Cringe-inducing. Painful. Sadistic. Tragic. These are only a few words to describe the horrific masterpiece from South Korean visionary, Park Chan-wook. Its hard to talk about this film because only a few minor words could give away the legendary ending that still has me in fear after every viewing. Its a beautifully shot film with twists around every corner. If you can, watch it in full alongside the rest of Chan-wook's Vengeance Trilogy. 

16. The Evil Dead (dir. Sam Raimi):

Raimi has had the pleasure of being the father of one of the greatest trilogies in film history, as well as the man who brought Spider-Man to life on screen in 2002. The Evil Dead is a gooey good time, filled with laughs and scares that will stay with you forever. As funny as this film is, it is bats**t scary as well. This is one of those landmark films that set the tone for horror films to come. If you've seen The Cabin In The Woods but not The Evil Dead, you don't understand the references. See The Evil Dead, The Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness, and Fede Alvarez's honorable remake, Evil Dead (2013). 

15. Requiem For A Dream (dir. Darren Aronofsky):

Even though I say that Neil Marshall's The Descent is the scariest movie of all time, Darren Aronofsky's Requiem For A Dream is terrifying for other reasons. Not any movie in history has taken audiences deeper into the depravity and tragedy that is drug addiction. This is an unflinching look at the lives of interconnected characters as they battle with drug use in their everyday lives. The film showcases a groundbreaking editing technique known as hip-hop montage amongst an array of other technical and performance related achievements. The score by Clint Mansell also deserved Oscar recognition. The climax of the film is one of them most intense, disturbing, and painful endings I've ever seen. It's truly an "experience" to watch the film. Have in mind a joyful movie to watch immediately afterwards.  

14. Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror (dir. F.W. Murnau):

Even though it was released in 1922, Murnau's take on Bram Stoker's Dracula is still more terrifying than 90% of horror films released today. This is the apex of the silent film era for me. True evil and vampirism are on display with Max Schreck's chilling performance of the legendary bloodsucker. Hauntingly beautiful, this is the purest form of cinema on display. Nosferatu should make you nostalgic for the time before sound. 

13. Dark City (dir. Alex Proyas):

I was disappointed to discover a while back that Proyas' adaptation of John Milton's magnum opus, Paradise Lost, was no longer in production. If you see Dark City, you'll know why. Proyas is a visionary when it comes to world building and the detailed construction of visuals. Dark City is a vehicle for noir and gothic architecture that practically breathes a life of its own. You can feel the streets of this futuristic city that have been overrun by an enigmatic group of people known only as "The Strangers." The script was written by Proyas, David S. Goyer, and Lem Dobbs. It's one of the films that became an inspiration for Christopher Nolan's Inception. Only this is far superior. This is the height of neo-noir in the modern age. 

12. Fargo (dirs. Joel Coen & Ethan Coen):

The Coen brothers are witty, brilliant, dark, and laugh-out-loud hilarious. They have a style that is singularly theirs and remain untouched to this day. Fargo is their 1996 masterpiece that rightfully won them an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay and Best Actress for Francis McDormand. The set up for Fargo is simple, but the excellent script allows the Coen's to explore the dark sides of humanity when it comes to greed and desire. Although it is a comedy, this is a dark film that explores the atrocities of human action. 

11. The Fall (dir. Tarsem Singh):

Simply stunning. That basically covers it for Tarsem Singh's The Fall. The pure visual grandeur of this film is on display throughout its running time. With a wholly original script, gorgeous set design, and breathtaking costumes, The Fall astounds on every level. I'm shocked this was never nominated for an Oscar in any of the design categories. Singh utilizes about every visual technique in the book perfectly to emphasize the message of his film: live to dream. 

10. Kill Bill Vols. 1&2 (dir. Quentin Tarantino):

Some say that Tarantino is the master of visual, and sometimes, written plagiarism. But because of his brilliance, I can forgive such offenses. I saw the two Kill Bill films when I was a young teenager (probably too young) and they absolutely blew me away. I was sucked into Tarantino's rapid paced, catchy, and memorable dialogue; the sassy performance from Uma Thurman, and above all, the wacky and jaw-dropping action sequences. Tarantino is a master of his craft, creating everything from the writing to the spectacular battle sequences. One of the great things about film is that filmmakers are able to pull inspiration from other films, and Tarantino does just that. In my mind, it isn't that he's plagiarizing, more so, he's improving upon what has already been created. 

09. American Beauty (dir. Sam Mendes):

American Beauty is an American classic. In 50 years, this will still hold a position on the lists of the greatest films of all time. Why? Because Alan Ball's script is so finely tuned to contemporary society, their worries, failures, and successes, that it is the most poignant case study of middle America ever on film. This is Kevin Spacey's greatest role (winning him a second Oscar) as everyman Lester Burnham, as he narrates the final year of his life and all its ups and downs to the audience. The film functions not only as a careful examination of human behavior, but also how the daily functions of life work on a microscopic scale. We see how interaction influences behavior, and how behavior engenders consequences: good and bad. This is a perfect blend of melodrama, thrills, and comedy.  

08. Moulin Rouge (dir. Baz Luhrmann):

Baz Luhrmann has always been a hit and miss director for me. But with Moulin Rouge!, he created one of the most beautiful and heartfelt films of the 21st century. For once, his overindulgence of all things shiny and grand paid off in this flick that explores 1900 Paris and the quest to live to the fullest. Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor have pitch-perfect chemistry as the lovers Satine and Christiane: two romantic individuals who fall for each other at first sight. With a perfect mix of music, romance, and melodrama, Moulin Rouge! never fails to astound with its glorious production design and honest characters. This film truly embodies everything that is beautifully tragic in life and love. 

07. Scream (dir. Wes Craven):

Simple, smart, funny, and thrilling. Scream is a serious horror flick that challenges and critiques about every cliché in horror films. Kevin Williamson basically reinvigorated the slasher genre with this 1996 film in which a group of teenagers (who look to be 20-somethings, but are actually High Schoolers) are killed off one-by-one by an elusive, masked killer. The original aspect of Scream that makes it such a great film is that it uses cliché to its advantage. Each character represents a convention seen in other horror films, complains about said flaw, and then actually behaves exactly like that character when they come into contact with Ghost Face. This is a clever feature that actually keeps you guessing until the last moment, and even into 3 more successful films. 

06. The Descent (dir. Neil Marshall):


The scariest movie of all time. With this film, Neil Marshall became a member of the Splat Pack: a group of filmmakers who make over-the-top gory and violent horror films. But it isn't the blood and guts that makes The Descent such a frightening experience. It's that Marshall sets the film up with the worst situation imaginable, and then makes everything exponentially worse throughout. There is not one moment in this film where you will feel safe. Jump scares are used sparingly in favor of true psychological horror that makes you question trust, friendship, and sanity. If there is one main character in this film, it's claustrophobia.  

05. Sunset Blvd. (dir. Billy Wilder):

The pinnacle of film noir. The greatest performance by an actress on screen. There are numerous reasons as to why Wilder's classic Sunset Blvd. is amongst one of my most inspiring films. For there to be a good movie, there has to be a good script. And Wilder delivered in that department. With memorable characters, quotable dialogue, and a setting that is near to every Southern Californian's heart, Sunset Blvd. is a majestic piece of cinema that reminds of why we fell in love with movies. It's a wickedly funny film with a devious dark side that will have you rooting for the films heart: a narcissistic but mischievously entertaining hasbin. 

04. Pan's Labyrinth (dir. Guillermo del Toro):

When you say you're a screenwriter, the question, "well, what's the script that most inspires you?" is bound to come up. I always credit Guillermo del Toro's magical 2006 film, Pan's Labyrinth, as the script and film that made me want to become a screenwriter. I read it when I was in eighth grade and had that sort of epiphany of "I can do this." del Toro creates a wondrous world, that for me, rivals some of the greatest fantasy writers of all time. It is a fluid script that moves at a wondrous pace, with some of the best character arc's I've ever read, and some of the most horrifying and gorgeous creatures ever written. The film itself is also a lavish experience that is a treat to viewers with its decadent cinematography, impressive set design, fine direction, and lovely performances. 

03. The Crow (dir. Alex Proyas):

Alex Proyas has the honor of holding two spots on this list. The first is with his neo-noir film Dark City. With The Crow, Proyas and crew once again create one of the most memorable characters and set designs in the history of cinema. Brandon Lee stars as Eric Draven, a man brought back to life by a magical crow that allows him to seek revenge for the murder of himself and his girlfriend. Although the plot is simple, it is Proyas' mise-en-scene that makes this film great. The sets emphasize the bleakness of the story and the characters situations, the score by Graeme Revell is haunting, and the cinematography by the always immaculate Dariusz Wolski is well, perfect. This is an atmospheric film that, although simple, is richly textured with its splendid production design. 

02. The Nightmare Before Christmas (dir. Henry Selick):


Tim Burton did not direct this film. He mine as well have because The Nightmare Before Christmas is truly his baby and finest work. I oddly did not grow up watching the film, and only saw it for the first time as a teenager. Since then, I've seen it twenty+ odd times, and to this very day, love it all the same. I'm a sucker for gothic and playful set design, and TNBC delivers. With soaring music, great voice acting, and the most memorable Christmas/Halloween story, Burton's brain child is a resoundingly fresh and exciting picture amidst a handful of lethargic and boring animated features from the 90's (and 2000's). The Nightmare Before Christmas always reminds me of the power of storytelling and the adventures it can take you on. 

01. In Bruges (dir. Martin McDonagh):

You can say that Martin McDonagh's Oscar-nominted film is my all-time favorite movie. It has an energetic script, first-class set design, award-winning performances, and dark humor. Sit back and watch a master at work because McDonagh's full-length freshman effort is a sight to be seen. 

"Through the masterful use of narrative construction, detailed mise-en-scene, and gorgeous cinematography, writer and director Martin McDonagh takes the viewer on a journey to the realization of sin in a rather beautifully sinister setting."

Taken from the pages of my essay "Sinister Beauty," I explain how McDonagh has created such a delightfully malicious film that we have to enjoy the heartlessness of some characters, while treasuring the honesty of others. In Bruges is such a fresh, inviting, and hilarious film that I'm always perplexed when somebody tells me they have either never seen it or have found it immensely detestable. We all have our individual opinions, but I assure you, if this is the future of comedy and filmmaking, then cinema and laughter are looking bright. 

What are some of your favorite/inspiring films?

...here's to inspiration.

The 10 Worst Films of 2013

Even though I love watching movies, there are times when certain films make me want to scream and wish for their destruction. Sometimes "hate" isn't even a strong enough word to describe my distaste for select films. But I always have to give credit where credit is due for two reasons:

1. It takes a great effort to get a film made, and anybody who does that is extraordinary in their own unique and creative way.

2. Even bad films need recognition. That way they won't be seen and it'll encourage the creators to wake up and try again. Learning from your mistakes is the best way to succeed in the world. 

With that said, here are the 10 (actually 12) worst films of 2013.

10. Machete Kills (dir. Robert Rodriguez):

Can we forget about Spy Kids or The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D? Robert Rodriguez is a talented filmmaker who has his fair share of hits and misses. His book Rebel Without A Crew: Or How a 23-Year-Old Filmmaker with $7,000 Became a Hollywood Player is absolutely inspiring. Machete Kills, the follow up to the exciting Machete (2010), is a complete dud. Rodriguez's film fails because it follows the same plot line and conventions that made the first film such a success. Danny Trejo is still the perfect (and only) person to play the title character, but it feels like he is being cheated here with tacky dialogue, over-the-top action, and a lazy attempt at rehashing the brilliance of the first film. The film is packed with a handful of cameos, none of which actually bring much substance to the story. Hopefully, Rodriguez and gang can get it together with the third film, Machete Kills Again: In Space. 

09. Riddick (dir. David Twohy):

I love the first two movies in the Riddick Trilogy (Pitch Black & The Chronicles of Riddick). Unfortunately, the third film in the series is a complete bore. What makes Riddick such an interesting character is his interactions with other people and the trouble he creates. The first third of the film is spent with Riddick on his own, discovering the new planet he inhabits. The second half serves no purpose to the overall premise because it is spent in the company of a small number of people who constantly bicker amongst each other while Riddick is rarely, if ever seen. Things only begin to heat up in the final act when the surface of the planet is overrun by malicious bloodthirsty creatures. Even then, the action is minimal and more time is spent talking about who is going to take Riddick into custody. A humorous performance is given by Katee Sackhoff, but that isn't much in the scope of the entire film. There are supposedly going to be more Riddick features. Let's hope that this film doesn't set back the production of a once interesting series. 

08. Mama (dir. Andrés Muschietti):

Enough with jump scares. Please. They are ineffective, predictable, and rarely work. Mama follows about every horror convention conceivable in its attempt to disturb audiences. Yes--we are saddened by neglected children who have become ferocious "wild-childs," and Jessica Chastain does look great with jet black hair--but who cares? If the ending of your film can be uncovered within the first ten minutes, then why bother showing us the next hour plus? Guillermo Del Toro is one of the great filmic minds of the 21st century. His film Pan's Labyrinth is marvelous, and the two Hellboy films are great fun. But almost everything he produces (including Don't Be Afraid of the Dark) have been lackluster. Mama tries so hard to create an eerie gothic atmosphere, but more often than not, the sheer stupidity of the characters make us laugh when we should be cowering in fear. 

07. Insidious Chapter 2 / The Conjuring / A Haunted House (dirs. James Wan / Michael Tiddes):

What can be said about James Wan? He hasn't done anything interesting since the release of the original Saw film back in 2004. The follow-up to the first Insidious film once again treads familiar ground in the filmmakers hopes that we will be unnerved by bumps in the night, spooky ghosts, and slamming doors. Although the Insidious films are purely for those that scare easily, there is an interesting facet of the movies that I wish they'd explore more in depth: The Further. This is the world beyond our own, inhabited by those that have died. If writer Leigh Whannell could find a co-writer, maybe he'd discover that the focus of the film is not where it should be. It is obvious that Wan has a good measure of talent: he has an eye for crisp cinematography and detailed set design. But if you can't manage to scare the audience in a horror movie, then everything else has been wasted. 

The Conjuring is Wan's second film of 2013 which finds him once again in the company of possession and Patrick Wilson. It seems as if Wan can't move past his obsessions with ghosts and possession. 2007's Dead Silence proved that Wan and Whannell weren't capable of spooking audiences with possession, so why would Wan continue down the same path with a boring script by Chad and Carey Hayes? The Conjuring wins the award for the least scary movie of 2013. In fact, it even fails at being an interesting family drama. The audience is greeted once again by flying objects, crashing sounds, and darkness...oh the darkness. Like Insidious and Insidious Chapter 2, the film fails to find a concrete focus that makes the audience care about the characters. The most interesting people in the film are Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga as the Warrens; real-life paranormal hunters who have explored numerous cases. They are instead given a backseat in favor of a dull family that doesn't get the clue to move out of the house and into a hotel. So what if your savings are tied up into the house! If bad s**t is happening, MOVE OUT! Attention writers: Horror can actually be interesting and scary if characters break convention and cliché. 

Not much can be said about Marlon Wayans. White Chicks (2004) is one of my all-time favorite guilty pleasures, and the first two Scary Movie films are delightful. And that's where my love for anything Wayans ends. A Haunted House is a spoof on the largely successful Paranormal Activity series and the film that too many people saw, The Devil Inside. Although there are moments when the characters make us laugh, we begin to grow tired of the antics, racist jokes, gay slurs, and predictable comedic routes. This moment also gives me the opportunity to once again remind myself and everybody that David Koechner is not funny. He is creepy and gross: the combination which never equates to humorous. Enough people unfortunately saw the film that a sequel is now in the works. Oh goody. 

Paranormal films this year evidently all had one thing in common: boredom. 

06. Oblivion (dir. Joseph Kosinski):

Kosinski was one to watch after directing the wildly exciting Tron: Legacy in 2010. Oblivion finds the director and Tom Cruise on a post-apocalyptic Earth after an alien war. The sad thing about Oblivion is that it has a fine cast and stellar production values. The trouble lies within a dull script that never manages to get off the ground and ever be wholly original. Writers Karl Gajdusek and Michael DeBruyn spend more time paying homage to classic Science Fiction films then they do constructing an interesting and compelling world for the characters to inhabit. Oblivion would've worked better if it wasn't trying to be so showy and serious as the filmmakers tried to draw our attention away from a weak script. This is a classic example of too much style over substance, that after a while, becomes overbearing and glaringly obvious. Science Fiction in some ways is meant to attract our attention to the problems of modern day issues and hopefully allow us ample opportunity to right our wrongs. It feels like the writers of Oblivion were fans of classic Science Fiction movies more than actual intellects of the genre. Finally, if you're going to make a reference to a Science Fiction film, don't let it be anything directed by Roland Emmerich. Independence Day is not something that we need to be reminded of. 

05. The Lords of Salem (dir. Rob Zombie):

"God hates The Lords of Salem" belts out Rob Zombie on his classic track from the album Educated Horses (2006). The Lords of Salem film actually felt like hatred from a malevolent God for unknown reasons. Maybe it's because the Salem Witch Trials have been glorified and drawn on for countless scripts over the years. It could be because Sherri Moon Zombie shouldn't be an actress. Or it could be because Zombie was stealing J.J. Abrams' signature style of anamorphic lens flares. Whatever the reason may be, The Lords of Salem is an acid trip that I never wish to take again. With an incomprehensible script, tedious pacing, grotesque imagery, and bad performances across the board, Zombie's film fails on basically every level. Both being fans of Zombie's previous efforts (Halloween, Halloween 2, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, and The Haunted World of El Superbeasto), my brother and I were looking forward to seeing what madness Zombie would create on screen this time. By the time the film ended, we (along with the two film student/Zombie fans seated behind us) were utterly confused and repulsed. It has been mentioned that Mr. Zombie was trying to create a more psychologically disturbing atmosphere more than a traditional horror film with The Lords of Salem. The only thing I could find disturbing in this film besides the explicit sacred imagery was the fact that Satan was actually boring. That's about as bad as burning toast. 

04. The Purge (dir. James DeMonaco):

Hands down The Purge could have been the most interesting film of the year. The premise: United States circa 2022 is now peaceful with no crime or unemployment. The savior is a program known as "The Purge." A 12-hour event that occurs once a year when all laws are negated and people cause havoc, commit crimes, and even murder other people; all for the sake of releasing bad energy. DeMonaco's film explores a single family's experience during The Purge and how they manage to either survive or perish. Problem one: this feels like a more sophisticated version of Bryan Bertino's frightening film The Strangers and even the hilariously scintillating You're Next, but without any tension or much originality. The Purge suffers from a bland script that chooses to focus all of its attention towards the generic home invasion premise. The interesting aspect of the film is The Purge itself and how it has become implemented. But all we're given are a few lines at the beginning of the film about how it came into effect. The majority of the film is spent hiding in dark corners with the murderers casting shadows throughout the house and making dopey threats on the protagonists lives. There also comes a point when making threats on the lives of children in brutal and sadistic ways becomes tasteless. Some may say that this is the point of The Purge: a film that is meant to show us how dark and evil humans are. On the other hand, these may just be the twisted fantasies of writers who actually want to commit said crimes. I'm not a proponent of making horror and slasher films any more violent than they already are, but with the films being made today that are trying to make a sociological statement, true nihilism may be a more suitable ending than the predictable "we'll all move on" conclusion. 

03. The Great Gatsby (dir. Baz Luhrmann):

Loved Moulin Rouge!, hated Romeo + Juliet. Baz Luhrmann is a director of self-indulgence and over stimulation. Not being a fan of the book itself, I wasn't expecting much from this new adaptation of The Great Gatsby. There is more glitz and glamour in this film than there is at any fashion week, which coincidentally, overrides any of Fitzgerald's text. Plagued by an overabundance of style, The Great Gatsby fails to make anything moving out of its somewhat interesting story. For all of the deception that flows through the DNA of the movie, Luhrmann's approach is tedious and repetitive. Carey Mulligan is a fine young actress, but she is almost unbearable to watch as she dons a lousy accent and chases after the pompous Jay Gatsby (played by Leonardo DiCaprio). DiCaprio has shined in certain films (Blood Diamond and What's Eating Gilbert Grape?), but here he is mopey and unconvincing as the man searching for the elusive and mysterious Daisy. Characters don't mean much in this movie. The only thing that matters is what they wore to the party.

02. 21 & Over (dirs. Jon Lucas & Scott Moore):

Jon Lucas and Scott Moore are two incredibly talented gentlemen. By no means do I think they got lucky when they penned The Hangover. It takes true talent to be funny and these two guys are undeniably funny. They just can't seem to get back on track after failures like The Change-Up and 21 & Over. The simple lesson we should take away from the writing in 21 & Over is that recycling a once successful premise rarely works twice. This film is basically the teenage mashup of all the mishaps that occur in The Hangover films. Miles Teller and Skylar Astin are two good young actors, but their talents are wasted here in favor of projectile vomiting, genetalia jokes, and blatant sexism. Teenage roughhousing in film has gone to the extreme with features like Project X, and in all reality, they perpetuate the same jokes and themes. Comedy is at its best when there are likable characters, strong witticism, and puns that we haven't heard 100 times before. I laughed not once in this film because I'd heard all the jokes before and could tell you the ending in the first five minutes. Movies like this feel like an insult to the intelligence of the audience. We deserve better. 

01. Man of Steel (dir. Zack Snyder): 

Man of Steel is the type of superhero film that gives superhero films a bad name. This is a pretentious film that seeks to reinvent what the superhero genre could become. It believes in being outside of the box in its approach to storytelling, only to find itself in a pool of complete banality. Although I champion originality, Man of Steel is a film that strives to be so original that it comes across as a complete joke. Clark Kent/Superman (portrayed by the emotionless Henry Cavill) is a travesty to the once spectacularly vibrant character who possessed an intriguing personality. Here is a character so thoroughly dreary that you actually begin to root for the villain. Unfortunately, even the villain in the film, General Zod (the brilliant [but not here] Michael Shannon) is a laughable mess who basically parodies his own actions. Amy Adams is horribly miscast as Lois Lane. She deserves better material than a character that nags people for two-and-a-half hours. Zack Snyder is a wondrous talent, but with Man of Steel as his follow-up to the dreadful Sucker Punch, I'm beginning to worry that the genius that directed Dawn of the Dead (2004), 300 (2007), and Watchmen (2009) may be losing his spark. The real shame is the atrocious script from the talented David S. Goyer. In trying to reinvent the structure of this story, the plotting and pacing implodes in upon itself. With uneven editing, and more explosions than any of the Transformer movies, Man of Steel stands as the worst film of the year because it failed to ignite any semblance of enjoyment in its grand spectacle. Surprisingly, there is a suitable balance between style and substance. Unfortunately, the substance is weighed down by its overwhelming flaws and pompous attitude. 

Even kryptonite made a valiant effort to stay away.

...here's to 2014.